Yesterday I was finishing up my unpacking. I really am done now except for breaking down the last of the cardboard for recycling. I spent the whole weekend unpacking and organizing. I’m not done organizing but there’s a significant amount of relief in box removal.
I also decided to clean the windows a bit. It wasn’t warm enough to open them, but why not let the light shine in on a sunny day? While I was cleaning the windows in my bedroom, I looked up at how blue the sky was. At that moment, a big foil birthday balloon drifted by on the breeze, above the neighbor’s roof, right in my field of view.
It was one of those moments that happened in an instant, but somehow boosted my mood immediately. Some might look at it as a sad omen. “Some kid lost a balloon somewhere…” or “Oh boy, more litter on the planet…” Those are valid points, but it’s all about perspective. I saw the balloon as being free to live unencumbered by gravity.
Silly, probably. Even so, I think those moments where you find humor and lightness are invaluable in a world of heavy things.
I choose happiness. Every time.
There have been wonderful and terrible things about starting a new job. Currently, I have been transitioning from working extreme part time for the last year, to working a 40 hour a week job. It’s not been the easiest thing to get used to. I’m frequently tired and trying hard to stay present for clients, but that will pass. I have adult clients for the first time, as well as children. There’s also the issue that I’ve been exclusively working with kids on the autism spectrum for the last 2 years, and now I have no ASD clients. There are certainly growing pains.
There’s also the issue of how my employer deals with the fact that we are all salaried employees. We have to meet a minimum of 25 productivity units a week, which equates to 25 sessions a week. That isn’t that bad, but it adds a layer of pressure to not get your pay docked, particularly when you have no control over whether or not a client shows up for their scheduled appointment.
On the plus side, I’m happy to be working a full time job for once in my post master’s career. The productivity stuff is annoying but it’s manageable and supervisors are understanding. There are tons of opportunities to fix the problem, and as long as you’re doing everything you are supposed to, they really won’t dock your pay. I think it’s just easier for them to create a harsh sounding policy to ensure that people don’t slack off.
Even with challenges, I’m excited. I’m happy with how things are going. I drive to work in a good mood for the first time in a long time.
I’m definitely settling in to routines in both work and home. For home, I bought a desk and a chair at Ikea this weekend and I’m slowly setting it up.
Hopefully, I’ll be able to reopen my Etsy shop in the next few weekends. I have a lot of ideas for items and I’m pumped to start working on them. New desk, new items, new photos, new starts! I love it all.
I moved in to my apartment last weekend and I start my new job on Monday. I’ve been settling in and unpacking boxes as much as possible while I’m off. It’s all gone relatively smooth, and it’s definitely seemed to happen in lightening speed. I can’t say that it hasn’t been a stressful process. This is the first time I’ve moved to another state where I’ve been a certified, card carrying adult, with things like cars, insurance, bank accounts, etc to worry about. There have been a few little things popping up that I hadn’t even considered, like the need for parking passes for the street in my new neighborhood…but I’m chipping away at it. The minor stress is manageable, and I’m taking time to recharge when I can, getting lots of rest, drinking lots of water, and eating healthy. I’m working on establishing new healthy routines as well.
I thought that it would feel weird to be living in Massachusetts. I’ve lived in Virginia for the majority of my life…I’m getting divorced…I don’t have any family or friends here…I’m starting a new job that’s slightly out of my comfort zone…I could go on. And yet it doesn’t feel strange at all. I feel good in the apartment that I found, I like my roommate and her family, who live downstairs, I’m pretty sure I’ll enjoy my job. The transition has felt very natural for me and I feel like I’m supposed to be here.
There is a quote I came across recently that really resonated with my current state of mind.
“Ten years from now, make sure you can say that you chose your life, you didn’t settle for it.” – Mandy Hale, The Single Woman
I was just not prepared to cope with 10 more years on the track my life was on. There wasn’t anything inherently bad about it, it just wasn’t what I wanted or needed for my optimal happiness long term. What worked for me 10 years ago, wasn’t compatible with where I am now. I think that sometimes you just have to make hard decisions about what will make you the happiest in life. Don’t settle for just “not bad” or “manageable”. That isn’t good enough, not for me, not for you. Everyone deserves to find their “awesome” and “blissful”.
I got fed up enough with my life to push outside of my comfort zone. I pushed the reset button on my life, I’m alone in a state I’ve never lived in, with potential everywhere. It wasn’t easy, but I’m here on a shifted path. I did it.